Denzel Washington: A Study in Stompin’ Shit Out

Denzel Washington, the most prolific actor in the universe, has demonstrated through the mangerie of kicking ass and taking names that is his career that he does one thing better than anyone else: stompin' shit out.

1. John Q: Denzel stomps out the inequitable healthcare system.
2. American Gangster: Denzel becomes ganster, stomps out the competition.
3. Training Day: Denzel stomps out Ethan Hawk’s naïve idealism.
4. Déjà Vu: Denzel stomps out history, teaching us it is OK to meddle with the space-time continuum as long as you look like a badass.
5. Man on Fire: Denzel stomps out mercy, then gangsters. Also stomps out title of movie by not setting self on fire.
6. The Hurricane: Denzel thinks about knockin’ out prejudice, or possibly rocking prejudice like a hurricane. Reconsiders, and instead stomps out prejudice.
7. Rememeber the Titans: Denzel stomps out prejudice again.
8. Philadelphia: Denzel stomps out prejudice and learns a valuable lesson about tolerance while remaining the archetype of masculinity.
9. Glory: Denzel stomps out some confederates and his old nemesis prejudice. Later, due to Matthew Broderick’s van dyke style Beard of Incompetence, eventually gets stomped out himself at the battle of Ft. Wagner.
10. Crimson Tide: Denzel stomps out nuclear holocaust. In process, stomps out Gene Hackman and some subtle implications of prejudice. Triple stomp! Floats buoy in celebration.
11. Fallen: Denzel stomps out demon. Kills John Goodman in process.
12. The Bone Collector: Denzel stomps out the impression that quadriplegics can’t live fulfilling, meaningful lives. Celebrates by stomping out serial killer for which movie is named.