Gran Turino (2008)

In this fresh take on the zombie genre, Clint Eastwood plays Walt Kowalski, a living-dead guy who is prejudiced against his non-zombie neighbors. Eventually, Walt learns to tolerate, understand, and even love the “fleshies” next door and decides to help them by haunting their human gangster enemies in an effort to clean up the neighborhood.

Dear John (2010)

A movie that pairs the torso from GI Joe, She's the Man, Step Up, and Fighting, with the torso from Mean Girls, Alpha Dog, and Jennifer's Body(not that torso)? Another adaptation from the guy who wrote The Notebook? Sounds like a goddamn can't miss!

Denzel Washington: A Study in Stompin’ Shit Out

Denzel Washington, the most prolific actor in the universe, has demonstrated through the mangerie of kicking ass and taking names that is his career that he does one thing better than anyone else: stompin' shit out.

1. John Q: Denzel stomps out the inequitable healthcare system.
2. American Gangster: Denzel becomes ganster, stomps out the competition.
3. Training Day: Denzel stomps out Ethan Hawk’s naïve idealism.
4. Déjà Vu: Denzel stomps out history, teaching us it is OK to meddle with the space-time continuum as long as you look like a badass.
5. Man on Fire: Denzel stomps out mercy, then gangsters. Also stomps out title of movie by not setting self on fire.
6. The Hurricane: Denzel thinks about knockin’ out prejudice, or possibly rocking prejudice like a hurricane. Reconsiders, and instead stomps out prejudice.
7. Rememeber the Titans: Denzel stomps out prejudice again.
8. Philadelphia: Denzel stomps out prejudice and learns a valuable lesson about tolerance while remaining the archetype of masculinity.
9. Glory: Denzel stomps out some confederates and his old nemesis prejudice. Later, due to Matthew Broderick’s van dyke style Beard of Incompetence, eventually gets stomped out himself at the battle of Ft. Wagner.
10. Crimson Tide: Denzel stomps out nuclear holocaust. In process, stomps out Gene Hackman and some subtle implications of prejudice. Triple stomp! Floats buoy in celebration.
11. Fallen: Denzel stomps out demon. Kills John Goodman in process.
12. The Bone Collector: Denzel stomps out the impression that quadriplegics can’t live fulfilling, meaningful lives. Celebrates by stomping out serial killer for which movie is named.

How movies teach us valuable things... like stereotypes: The Princess Bride (1987)

As a teaching aid far superior to books, movies have the ability to expose us to stereotypes and prejudices we wouldn't otherwise be aware of as we go through our everyday lives. The Princess Bride is a fantastical tale about friendship, true love, and adventure. More valuable than these boring, wholesome lessons, however, are the other not-so-subtle teachings it offers. Here are some of the lessons I learned from watching this movie:

People who have physical deformities are either evil, foreign, or stupid. This includes short people, bald people, giants, and those with extra fingers. It is O.K. to openly resent them.

All Spaniards are drunks, and are not to be trusted. They are obsessed with revenge, and repeat their name frequently in inappropriate circumstances.

Don't ever be tempted to make friends with an albino. They are gross, they live underground, and they construct elaborate torture machines to drain years from your life. Like people with physical deformities, it is O.K. to openly resent them.

Finally, if your grandfather wants to come over in the middle of the day to read you a story alone in your bedroom while your mother is at work, you are probably going to be molested. The best thing to do is repress the memory now, and talk about it later.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008)

In a significant departure from his prior roles, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist features Michael Cera as an offbeat teen that falls in love with another equally offbeat teen (Kat Dennings). This film is a unique addition to this prolific actor’s already diverse catalog.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Cloistered misanthrope takes suspiciously benevolent interest in prepubescent children. Attempts to murder/maim them in candy-themed torture chamber. Gives torture chamber to surviving child and slovenly old man. Blasts off into oblivion in glass rocket ship.

Hook (1991)

Robin Williams plays the role of Peter Banning, an attorney who returns to Thailand to represent a group of child-killing pirates headed by the fearsome Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman). When he arrives, he is kidnapped by a group of young defenseless homeless boys and begins living with them in the trees. Later, Peter returns home, only to find out that he used to fondle his Granny Wendy (Maggie Smith).

Under-Appreciated Actor Profile: Tim Curry

It's Tim-Curry-Time!

You may recognize this thespian from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, playing Cardinal Richelieu in The Three Musketeers, or for his infamous role as Long John Silver in Muppet Treasure Island.

Born into a working class family in Flint, Michigan, this son of a rust miner worked tirelessly on a fake British accent and an even faker British goatee in order to fool casting directors into believing he was the product of Birmingham University, a mere 100 miles north of foggy-Londontown. Alas, the preposterous lie was unsuccessful, and during the summer of 1984 the uniquely-American Curry nearly gave up his dream of playing the evil-doer in every kid's movie, ever. But, Curry knew what happens to dreams deferred. Raisins.

So, TC put his luscious goat to work, toiling in relative obscurity through most of the 70s, 80s, and mid-90s, drifting from odd-job to odd-job until he caught his break in 1996 as Zimbo in AAAHH!!! Real Monsters. To this day, this is his most recognizable role and the only one for which he has ever been paid.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

No biblical occult artifacts? No maniacally evil Nazi villains that you love to hate? Only a stupid picture of Sean Connery? Aliens? Shia LaBouffe? Why don’t you just kick me in the nuts and steal $12 out of my wallet?

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)

Rob Schneider sets aside his more dramatic acting shoes to play a bumbling bell hop named Cedric who gets more than he bargained for when Kevin McCallister checks in.... Also, Marv and Harry attempt to murder a child again.

Fight Club (1999)

In this light-hearted romantic comedy, Jack (Ed Norton) and Tyler (Brad Pitt) go into business for themselves making pink soap that the whole town can’t get enough of. Everything was going great until Marla Hendrix showed up! Will Jack and Tyler be able to maintain their business and their friendship when this sexy woman comes between them?